"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" -Benjamin Franklin

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"Y'all do portfolios" or Stupid Things Customers Say

I have many intelligent, well mannered, nice, respectful customers.  I also tattoo lots of people who are none of the above.  The second group tends to say a lot of really stupid shit- things that we have laughed about time and again over the years.  Here are some of the brilliant utterances from inside the walls of Good Clean Fun.  Some include much needed translations.

"Y'all do portfolios?"
Translation:  Do you tattoo portraits?

"How much yo lettuce?"
Translation:  What do you charge for lettering?

"How much yo faces?"
Translation:  What do you charge for portraits?

"You know I can't read worth a flip"

"You know what trailer I live in"

"I was gonna have someone I know do the tattoo- he tattoos in prison- but he's there for life"

Customer:  "I want a chinese star on my face"
Guillermo:  "We won't tattoo your face"
Customer: (In total disbelief) "Dat man said NO, Dat man said NO!"

"I want a tattoo on the back of my back"

"I'm like a lone wolf...I'm like a lone wolf but I takes care of my pack, 'cause thats my pack, but I'm like a lone wolf"

(After looking at the tattoo I was workin on): "Yeah, dat's what I'm smokin'"

"We had jus' got a new computer, mah wife had got it at the pawn shop- it's real nice, it was like 589 dollars, I don't know about computers but mah wife had set it all up for me- all mah passwords is WANKEY" (Spoken nonstop without taking a breath)

"The spirits told me to come talk to you"  (There is a long story that goes with this that will have to be a later blog entry)

"Sulpher....BAD"  and "Do you take deutschmarks?" (Another possiblity for a later blog)

"I don't know what I wants, I just wants what I wants"

"Aw, you killin' my dreams"

I can't think of any more right now, but there are dozens more where these came from, and we hear more every day.

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