"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" -Benjamin Franklin

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Why I hate the kids

It's probably just me being a grumpy old bastard, but I hate these damn kids.  They have no respect- they'll walk into my shop and immediately walk over to the socket on the wall and plug their phones in.  How about you ask first?  I would probably say yes, but to just assume that it's fine, or to just not care one way or the other is disrespectful.  This is my damn shop ya little shit.  There was a time when that would never have happened, when people entered a tattoo studio they were scared- it was a scary experience.  Now, with the popularity of tattoooing, they act like they're in another shitty shop at the mall buying another shitty pair of overpriced, pre-ripped jeans.  I am not here to serve you- I am a tattooer, not some salesperson at Abercrombie and Fitch.  One of the reasons I got into this business was that I couldn't deal with that kind of person without wanting to punch them in the face- now I have to because they've become my customers.  They have no ideas of their own- every one of them will show you a picture on their Iphone of the cool, original tattoo they want.  Let's get this straight right now- there is nothing original about a cross, hebrew or arabic lettering, or any tattoo that some stupid celebrity has.  It should also not be applied to your body upside down or sideways so that you can look at it.  They're also whiny little overly sensitive pricks.  As soon as you tell them something that's not exactly what they want to hear, you're mean or an asshole.  I'm actually trying to help you.  The fact that the idiot down the road told you he could do your tattoo any size you want it, doesn't mean that it's the right way to do it.  He just wants your money.  I want your money too, but I have some integrity and will not do a tattoo that I know will not hold up as it ages.
For all the Gangstas and Wangstas- Pull up your pants, turn your hat around, and speak english- I don't understand hip hop.  When you say things like 'dat fire' or 'yo, dat wat I be smokin' or 'you got bomb prices up in here'- I don't know what you're talking about, and you sound like an idiot.
For all the Hipsters- The trucker hat looks stupid, you need to wash your hair, and drinking shitty beer is not cool.  Also, that beard you've been trying to grow since you were 16 isn't working.
For all the Emo kids- You have a stupid haircut, and you're wearing girl pants and a white belt- what the hell is wrong with you?  Just go home and cut yourself while you wonder about your sexuality.


  1. If we put up signs that denote how to behave in the shop "no food or drinks" and "please don't change you babies diapers on the counter" and "please speak english or the nearest equivalent" - there would be no room for flash.

    What exactly is a hiptser?

  2. You know who they are. They think it's 'cool' to be white trash. They wear trucker hats, have medium to long hair that is generally in need of a washing. They drink PBR. They have chain wallets. They usually have a goatee that goes into a long beard. They have shitty tattoos They have rebel flag belt buckles even if they're from New Jersey. They hang out downtown- because if it's not in the city, it can't possibly be cool. They think that the shittier their bike looks, the cooler it is....

  3. Oh - those guys. Actually, I didn't know they were hipsters. Sure - I see plenty of them. Wierd fuckers. Saw one guy, he was wearing a slayer shirt with like brown corduroy pants and a green hat. Whatever. Just seem like dirty hippies - just without the desire for peace or whatever.

  4. In my best gansta / wangsta style "yo' don't be h8in' on Jerzey"!!!!