"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" -Benjamin Franklin

Friday, April 12, 2013

Just when ya thought I was gone for good...

So, here we go....Best Ink season 2.
I just watched it- I know, I'm a week or so late, but I've been doing stuff.  I took some time off work to re-do the upstairs of my house- Paint, Flooring, etc.  So after spending an average of about 13 hours a day working on that for 10 days straight, I wasn't doing much other than sleeping.  As with last season, you know I only watch this stuff because Joe is on it (I may actually watch this season of Ink Masters, but there's a different reason for that...)  Not only is Joe on the show, but they've added Hannah Aitchison as a judge- I know Hannah as well- she's a super nice lady and an awesome tattooer, plus I'm hoping that she'll make some people cry this season as well.  I also happen to know one of the contestants- Melvin Todd.  Melvin is a nice kid that I've tattooed a few times, but don't think that that will keep me from talking shit about him.
I was a little disappointed by this first episode- not enough to really bitch about.  Don't worry, if you've read my blog in the past, I can always find something to bitch about (admit it, that's what ya read the blog for anyway).
The show opens and they introduce the contestants- I've got a problem with some of them right off the bat (mostly due to the fact that I'm an overly judgemental prick).  Lets start with 'Dollarz'- That's not a name.  Your mother did not give birth to you and say, 'Oh look at how cute he is, we should name him Dollarz".  You're a grown adult that has a name- USE IT!  If your friends call you by some nickname, that's fine, but in public, when meeting people for the first time, state your damn name.  If you then wanna say something like "...but my friends call me Dollarz", I suppose that's OK, but why bother.   If you said it to me, I would still call you by your real name- we just met, we're not friends.
Next we have Carolyn Cadaver- another fuckin' made up name.  I guess she decided to start using Cadaver as a last name when she decided that she was a vampire.  Apparently she lives the 'vampire lifestyle' whatever that might be.  Lemme clue ya in on something, girly- there is NO vampire lifestyle.  They're mythical creatures.  Do you sleep in a coffin?  Do you drink the blood of the living?  Do you shy away from garlicky foods?  You're not a vampire, you're not a fairy, and you'll never ride a unicorn.  I suppose you could claim to live a 'Goth lifestyle', but even that is pushing it.
There's also DJ- that's OK.  DJ is kinda like a real name, just shortened.  I don't have a problem with someone being called DJ.  My issue here has to do with some screwy math thats going on.  When he first comes on screen, a thing pops up that says DJ and states that he's 31 years old.  He then tells one of the other contestants that he has been tattooing for 17 years.  Something doesn't add up.  That means that he started tattooing when he was 14?  It's not unheard of, but it is extremely uncommon.   If you're counting years that you tattooed your friends with a jailhouse tattoo machine made out of a walkman, that shit doesn't count.
We are also treated to meeting the new host- Pete Wentz.  I had no idea who he was- had ta google it, and found out that he's from the band Fallout Boy.  Had ta google that too.  Found out that they're a 'pop punk' band.  That's a term I hate.  'pop' and 'punk' really shouldn't go together anyway.  As far as I'm concerned, there's only one band that people call 'pop punk' thats worth listening to at all and that's the Decendents (and it's only they're first record and a coupe of songs of any of the others that are worth a shit).  I guess that the fine folks at the Oxygen network decided that since Ink Masters has Dave Navarro, they needed their own washed up rocker.
They move into the first 'flash challenge', which, of course, has nothing to do with flash- A gripe of mine that's been going since the first season.  This episode they actually hang them off the side of a building so they can spray paint self portraits.  I'm watching this thinking that if one of them fell and busted open his or her coconut, then we would really have a show.  Now, I don't actually want any of them to get hurt (not yet anyway- we'll see how the season progresses), but you have to admit that the entertainment value of the show would go right through the roof if it did happen, and it almost does when Melvin slips out of his chair.
Melvin wins the flash challenge, and they all go off to see the studio where thy will be tattooing.  Melvin is pretty cocky coming of his non-flash challenge win and says 'This is pretty much the house of Melvin right now, all these other guys are just living in it'.  Whoa there Melvin, don't get ahead of yourself buddy.
Now it's time for some tattooing.  Of course, it's all about the stories, and each of the potential clients has one.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again- not every damn tattoo has to have some big ass, life affirming story behind it.  They're pictures on your skin- if you like it and wanna wear it for the rest of your life, that's all that matters.  Personally, I'm pretty tired of hearing people tell me what they're tattoos mean.  This week, it's all about people overcoming some hardship in their lives- isn't that pretty much everyone?  Overall, the tattooing is pretty unimpressive.  The nicest pieces were done by DJ and Teresa.  Melvin bites off way more than he can chew when he agrees to do a full chest piece in the allotted 4 hours.  He should have drawn something that he could have actually done properly in that time and just told his client (on the show, they call them 'skins'- I can't do that, it just sounds so damn stupid) that 4 hours wasn't enough time for a full chest.  The finished tattoo looks like ass- shitty line work and shitty shading.  Now, in his defense, his client sat like a little bitch, but that's when ya put down your machine and tell your client to sit the hell still because they're fucking up their own tattoo.  Carolyn did a zombie girl that was also pretty rough- in fact it looked a lot like a lot of the crap that I see coming out of all the shit shops around me (the same stuff that I spend half my week trying to fix).  Brittany did a black tree that was about an hours worth of tattooing at best.  The best part of the tattoo segment was when Kelly's client got up and walked off.  The tattoo looked like shit, so I don't really blame her, but the fact is that you auditioned and were chosen to be on the show, at least let her finish the shitty tattoo that you didn't even fucking have to pay for.  When her client walks off she says, "It's been a fun run." and Kelly responds by saying, "I didn't have fun", which was pretty funny.  We also get some tears from Kelly in one of the little interview breakaways they do, which as you all know is why I watch the show.  Bring on the tears.  I want to be reminded of Niagara Falls when I watch Best Ink.
Finally, it comes down to the judging, but before it even starts, we get an awesome shot of a 'Joey Mad Face'.  That's the Joe I wanna see (at least in this context).  The top 3 are Teresa, DJ and Derek. Derek did a black and gray jackal which I thought was thoroughly unimpressive- as someone that does a lot of black and gray tattooing, this thing coulda been a whole lot nicer given 4 damn hours to work on it. I really liked both Teresa and DJ's tattoos.  Hannah makes a valid point when she states that Teresa's Bearded Lady tattoo looks like a pretty man rather than a bearded lady, but it was still a really nice tattoo.  DJ ends up being the winner for the week, and these 3 get to choose the 'bottom 3', one of whom will be going home.  Carolyn the vampire chick gets sent packing for her shitty zombie girl tattoo.  Personally I would have sent Kelly home- her tattoo sucked, and even though she didn't get the full time to work on it due to her client quitting, for what she was doing, it shoulda been done in the time she had.  Melvin and Kelly get to stay and try to redeem themselves next week.

Since I got around to this late- Hell, the second episode has already aired, I had hoped to do a Best Ink 2 for 1, and cover the first 2 episodes in one blog entry, but I have yet to watch episode 2.  Hopefully I'll get to it before the third one airs and I'll be all caught up.

I guess I can't really talk shit about other people's work without at least posting something of my own, so here ya go...

A few years back I did a really big Frankenstein portrait (on of my favorite tattoos I've done), and the guy I did it on finally got the bride on the other arm...

The same customer also got a Wolfman portrait- I've done a bunch of old horror portraits on him, all of which have been posted here at one time or another.

Here's a shitty, glarey picture of a Hanya/Peony coverup that's in progress...

A mongoose and snakes stomach...

Had a girl come in that wanted a moth with a deer skull across her hands.  Did the line work and never saw her again.   I'd really like to finish this...

A good friend of mine recently retired from the post office, so I painted this for him...

April 22nd will be the 16th anniversary of Good Clean fun, so we are celebrating by doing our 2nd annual 'Stupid Tattoo Day'.  We did it last year and a whole bunch of people got really dumb tattoos.  This year we will be doing it on Saturday the 20th.  For those of you that don't know about 'Stupid Tattoo Day', we will be spending the day tattooing ONLY from 3 sheets of designs (one drawn by each of us).  Here's a preview of my sheet- I still gotta color it...

1 comment:

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