"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" -Benjamin Franklin

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Let's Take It Back, TLC still Sucks!

No, I didn't watch 'Tattoo School' tonight.  I have only watched a tattoo TV show 3 times in my life.  I watched Miami Ink once, and only because a very good friend of mine was a guest on it, and I watched LA ink twice- partly because I wanted to see how many times Kat Von Douchebag would cross-contaminate stuff, and partly because I knew someone on the show.  If ya read my blog entry from a few days ago, you know full well exactly how I feel about tattooing on TV.  On a positive note, the tattoo community is united in anger and hatred for TLC and their idiotic show(s).  I personally have never seen so many tattooers come together over a common topic.  There are a number of pages on Facebook dedicated to this latest atrocity of TLC's, some with over 30,000 members.  (I will post links to all of them at the end of this blog entry).  Of course, with so many members on some of these pages, the greedy fuckin' scumbag opportunists have started to come out of the woodwork.  There have been posts on some of these pages from other people that run so called tattoo schools.  Of course they say that they're different, they're better, they're doing it the right way.  A tattoo school whether on TV or not is still a fucking tattoo school- it's an abomination.  There have also been the dummys showing up that have internet based tattoo shows, that of course claim that their shit is good for the industry.  Again, a tattoo show is a tattoo show, be it on TV or the fucking internet.  You can't tell me that a single one of these motherfuckers isn't hoping for some damn cable network to see their shitty internet show and offer them a deal.  Fuck you scumbag!  
One of the things that I have seen that I find most encouraging is that there are a number of tattooers calling for things that I have thought the industry has needed for a long time.  A ban of not only Tattoo School, but  all the shitty TV shows.  Sure, they're not gonna take the shows off until they stop making money airing them, but maybe the advertisers on those shows will listen, or just maybe, the people on those shows will see that they are part of the problem and be shamed into leaving the show (although I suppose once you're a rockstar TV tattooer, you're not really a tattooer anymore).  For tattooers to stop taking on apprentices.  There are enough goddamn tattooers already- in fact there are too fuckin' many.  Enough with the shops that sell apprenticeships and the shops where every damn tattooer working there has an apprentice.  Ya know what that is?  Lazy fuckin' tattooers that don't wanna clean up their own mess or that think they're too good to clean up after themselves.  Listen up fucko, you made the mess, clean it the fuck up.  Don't make more tattooers just because you don't wanna scrub your own damn tubes or clean your fuckin' station.  A ban of tattoo schools- that one might be easier than the TV shows.  Tattooers can gather peacefully outside a local tattoo school and suggest that they close down.  I found a local Atlanta douchebag on line today that was advertising a tattoo school.  This dopey bastard doesn't even work in a shop- he tattoos out of his house, does tattoo parties, and tattoos at hip-hop clubs.  Where's his school gonna be?  In his fucking kitchen?  The best part- this asshole just put this shit up- his website is new, his FB page is new, he must have seen the stuff about the tattoo school TV bullshit and thought he could make some money off that.  Fucker!  For tattooers to stop buying from unscrupulous suppliers.  That's not gonna happen either.  I honestly believe that at this point the shitbag tattooers outnumber the ones that care about the industry by a large margin.  The scumbags will keep supporting whatever supplier will sell them their Chinese made crap at the lowest price.  Essentially, what the tattooers that care are talking about is taking back our industry from the greedy motherfuckers that have hijacked it.  I think it's way too late.  I would like to do it.  I would like to see it done.  But in all honesty, I believe that the time to have done it was years ago.  I think it's too late, it's gone too far, we should have done something a lot earlier.  But I will say YES, let's take this thing back- this thing is ours.  Or, let's at least give it a try.  I'm definitely interested in seeing where this goes from here.

So what was I doing while TLC was showing their shitty show to the ignorant masses?  I was getting another ridiculous tattoo.  The TV shows have convinced people that tattoos have to have some deep meaning- some fucking stupid story attached to them.  They don't.  For me, they just have to make me laugh at this point, which is why I mostly only get really stupid tattoos these days.  The one I got tonight does have a story behind it, and, that's right, I'm gonna tell it to ya.  A couple of years ago, a gangsta came into my shop and started talking to me about the tattoo he wanted, it went like this:
First he showed me the large praying hands tattoo (aka clapping hands) on his upper arm.
Gangsta:  "I wanna get like a face next ta these so it look like he be prayin'"
Me:  "That's not gonna work man"
Gangsta: "No, no, I mean so it look like he be praying, you know like a face"
Me: "That's not gonna work man.  Those hands are big- they fill up most of the space, you don't have room to put a face there."
Gangsta: "No man, I got room.  I wants it like he prayin' and I want  him wearing a ski mask"
(I guess he's supposed to be praying that the home invasion goes well)
Me: "You're not listening to me.  You don't have room there for what you want.  You're gonna have these big hands and a little tiny face- it's not gonna look right"
Gangsta: "Aw man, you killin' my dreams"
Me:  "No, I'm not killing your dreams, I'm just telling you that the tattoo you are talking about isn't gonna look right.  We can figure something else out to add to your praying hands, just not that"
Gangsta: "No man, No.  You be killin' my dreams"

So, ever since then, the joke around the shop is that I'm the 'Dream Killa", and what says Dream Killa like a severed unicorn head smoking a rainbow pipe?  I had Nick at my shop do this, he's been at GCF since February and fits in really well on the whole 'completely retarded' level.

This is Abby (short for Absinthe).  She doesn't look like much yet, but if ya look close you can see her inner beauty.  I have big plans for her.  She's a new project to work on, and she's gonna be pretty fuckin' sweet.  I picked her up last week, found her on Craigslist and couldn't pass her up.  The tanks, wheels, and front end are gonna go- I bought her for the engine, transmission and frame.

Here's the Links to all the anti-TLC/Tattoo School pages I mentioned:

Boycott products of advertisers for TLC's show Tattoo School

***OK, so here's one of those 'Oh Fuck' kinda things.  I was just made aware that TLC's shitty 'Tattoo School' airs tomorrow night.  I thought it was on last night when I wrote this blog entry.  Doesn't really make any difference, I'm not gonna fucking watch it then either*** -Dave (7/13/11)


  1. Another fantastic blog man. I most certainly agree with ya on most of it.

  2. Hilarious about the "Dream Killa!". Your blog is way more entertaining than the bloody tattoo shows, thanks!

  3. Thanks for making me laugh. You make reading a rant, enjoyable. :)=